In the ‘why don’t cyclists pay road tax’ genre of anti-bike online trolling, this one surely must go down as a classic own goal.
Responding to a tweet – from GB News of all places – about the Land Rover driver who was fined £1,000 for causing a cyclist to fall off their bike, motorist Jonathan came up with this wholly unique and not-at-all-tired and misinformed critique of people who ride bikes:
Until cyclist pay road tax, unsurfaced and ride like they are not the only things on the road, then they are not getting any sympathy from anyone.
— Jonathan Hodgson (@Jonathan1922) April 5, 2022
This morning, a few cyclists gathered on Twitter to education the motorist about the realities of ‘road tax’:
Roads are funded by vat, which cyclists pay. Road tax does not exist.
— Rory O'Sullivan (@Rorkimaru) April 7, 2022
Cars need insurance due to the capacity for massive damage.
Almost all people who cycle get free 3rd party insurance cover due to the low risk
VED is emissions based
Electric cars are VED free, and pay no fuel duty - do drivers of those get no sympathy either?— TBSteve (@TBStevesPix) April 7, 2022
Jonathan is forced by law to pay a massive amount of insurance for his 4x4 because he is a huge risk to other people and property. I get free cycle insurance with my LCC membership because I'm very low risk, and I'm not required to have that by law.
— CyclingMikey "Who made him Batman?" (@MikeyCycling) April 7, 2022
Cycling Mikey’s tweet about 4x4s appeared to irk Jonathan, who quickly – and perhaps naively given the inevitable response – attempted to dispel such a notion, but instead placed his foot neatly in his mouth:
I have an electric car
— Jonathan Hodgson (@Jonathan1922) April 7, 2022
Cue the fits of hysterics erupting throughout Cycling Twitter:
So you do not pay VED or fuel duty?
By your own measure you are not entitled to any sympathy.— TBSteve (@TBStevesPix) April 7, 2022
It's obvious that Jonathan has stuck his foot straight into his mouth. Absolutely hilarious 😂
— Pete K (@K57532896K) April 7, 2022
Absolutely no sympathy………….for yourself. pic.twitter.com/XzFQGsGmPM
— I liked your bike (@ILikedYourBike) April 7, 2022
Get off the road you tax dodger…
— Chris Gerhard 🇪🇺 (@chrisgerhard) April 7, 2022
— Owdrider (@owdrider) April 7, 2022
"Cyclists should pay road tax"pic.twitter.com/ynSVQnVvaG
— Beatnik69 (@beatnik69) April 7, 2022
Rolling up to work on Monday and opening your inbox.
pic.twitter.com/Xpa1oSQv1L— Belinda (@reallyspoketome) April 7, 2022
Cruising down the high street and seeing your ex walking towards you. 😂 https://t.co/tvyfUro7Tv
— Katherine L Bates OLY (@KatherineLBates) April 7, 2022
When a letter arrives from student finance and you choose not to read it https://t.co/wfYk7lrLa3
— Dan Deakins (@DanDeakins) April 7, 2022
This is incredible. A supermarket magazine where nearly every page is about cycling. I'm hoping for the next Tesco magazine to have an in-depth feature on Hugh Carthy. Preferably alongside a recipe for Lancashire hotpot. https://t.co/GzviRpwT4Y
— Katy M (@writebikerepeat) April 6, 2022
Speaking of cycling supermarkets, the giant Lidl banana made a welcome return at Scheldeprijs yesterday:
Inflatable banana because nothing says Lidl quite like bananas#SPwomenpic.twitter.com/Q5VVHLb1sU
— Mathew Mitchell (@MatMitchell30) April 6, 2022
Now this is what you call a movie chase…
Born on this day, April 7, 1954:
Jackie Chan, martial arts actor & filmmaker, here showing one of the less-celebrated uses of the bicycle: taking on gangsters in Old Hong Kong.
Happy #bicyclebirthday, Jackie!#BOTD#bikesinfilms
From Project A (1983) pic.twitter.com/rhvraT9jZw— Cool Bike Art 🚴 (@CoolBikeArt1) April 7, 2022
Taken from 1983’s action-comedy film Project A, the scene sees Jackie Chan’s Sergeant Dragon Ma Yue Lung attempt to evade a gang of bike-riding gangsters through the tight, busy streets of late-nineteenth-century Hong Kong.
Chan, riding a bike sprayed in the Bianchi colours, shows he’s got some serious tekkers, flicking a dog bowl with his front wheel, taking part in some on-bike jousting, and carrying out some emergency seatpost repairs after a painful-looking mechanical incident.
The video, shared to celebrate the legendary actor, filmmaker and martial artist’s 68th birthday today, has inspired some Twitter users to advocate for more bike chases in action films:
The future is bicycle. We should have more action films with bike chases instead of #thatoldchestnut"the car chase"#hollywood#bicycle#precurser#tomorrow_today#polmtlhttps://t.co/33PYjMihe6
— Jason Prince (@JasonKPrince) April 7, 2022
On that topic, this Jason Statham-BMX collaboration, from 2008’s Transporter 3, is pretty cool:
And though not quite a chase scene, even Bond rode a bike - barefooted - in 1983’s ‘unofficial’ Never Say Never Again:
Are there any other action films out there featuring bikes or cycling-related chases?
And what existing chase scenes could be dramatically improved by reshooting them with bikes instead of the clichéd old cars?
I’m picturing the Italian Job with Raleighs instead of Mini Coopers…
Let us know in the comments!
As we say yesterday, the Tour of Britain’s route announcement marks the start of an annual tradition, when needy cycling fans in the UK flock to Twitter to publicly express their disappointment that an eight-day, complicated stage race, with countless different stakeholders, doesn’t venture within walking distance of their house.
> Hill-top finishes to bookend tough 2022 Tour of Britain route
In return, the Santa Clauses behind the Tour of Britain spend the morning of the announcement calmly – and often humorously – explaining the rationale behind the route to the moaning hordes. Saints, the lot of them.
Well, it seems as if the local press has also decided to join in the fun by celebrating this most venerable of cycling festivals.
This morning the Isle of Wight’s County Press published an article about the race, the final stage of which will finish at the Needles Battery.
The story was accompanied by the tweet: ‘Will the Tour of Britain cycle race go past your house?’
Got a lot of time for the local news reporters actively trying to tip @nickbull21 over the edge. 👏
https://t.co/XnNEz5ze5y— Thomas Turner (@_thomasturner) April 7, 2022
Now that is some proper trolling…
Don’t encourage him. We beg! 😂
— Tour of Britain 🇬🇧 (@TourofBritain) April 7, 2022
Annoyingly I’m going to need to walk 45 metres from my house to see it Nick. Sort it out.
— James Toney (@jtoneysbeat) April 7, 2022
Oblivious leisure cyclist spotted at the Tour of the Basque Country yesterday…
Loving the bloke bottom centre out for an afternoon ride on his bike with no idea some of the world's top cyclists are passing below that bridge at the same time to fight it out for the stage win at #Itzulia2022🤣 pic.twitter.com/dSbjmy242V
— Simon MacMichael (@simonmacmichael) April 6, 2022
That cyclist must be one of the few locals who isn’t constantly at the roadside cheering the riders on:
The Basque cycling fans are here! 😍 #Itzuliapic.twitter.com/EbcRqfQ0Ul
— Mihai Simion (@faustocoppi60) April 6, 2022
Well, at least they didn’t do a Merlier…
I noticed that as well. For a split second I thought he was at the same level as them and was going to crash into them!
— CHAIRRDRF (@CHAIRRDRF) April 7, 2022
Remember, Paris wasn’t “always this way.”
It wasn’t even this way in late 2019 when I was there last.
Just a few years ago, Paris was choking in car traffic.
This is new. This is leadership.
Cities are a result of choices.
Video via @Khayat_Fouadpic.twitter.com/ZdNhAm8nlw
— Brent Toderian (@BrentToderian) April 7, 2022
Yesterday’s men’s Scheldeprijs race was a bit of an odd one to say the least.
Usually a race for the sprinters – Mark Cavendish is a three-time winner while Marcel Kittel won it five times during the 2010s – the peloton split to pieces in the crosswinds during the opening hour.
The rest of the day resembled the kind of pursuit race you’d normally see at the Tuesday night club league, with 14 riders up front being chased by a 16-strong group which included pre-race favourite Fabio Jakobsen. The gap hovered around a minute for 150km, before the elastic finally snapped during the finishing circuits around Schoten.
#SP22🇧🇪
WHOOHOO!!!
ALEXANDER KRISTOFF WINS @Scheldeprijs AFTER 7 KM SOLO 🏆 pic.twitter.com/rRPErWVdP2
— Intermarché-Wanty-Gobert (@IntermarcheWG) April 6, 2022
Alexander Kristoff then took full advantage of the lack of cohesion in the front group to slip away on the cobbles with seven kilometres to go to take an impressive solo victory, continuing his Intermarché team’s stellar classics campaign and cementing his own status as a serious contender for Paris-Roubaix in ten days’ time.
The win was also something of a collector’s item for the big Norwegian – despite racking up 83 professional victories during his stellar career, including the Tour of Flanders and Milan-San Remo, Scheldeprijs marked the first ever time he’s won a race by crossing the line on his own.
Despite having 83 professional victories to his name, @Kristoff87 has never won a race solo...
Until today#Scheldeprijspic.twitter.com/kLHLsnqUid
— GCN Racing (@GcnRacing) April 6, 2022
My first Solo win in 13 year’s 🙌🏻
🥇 @scheldeprijsofficialWhat a race!
crosswind, rain and full on racing all day 🚴🏻💨
So happy to take the win home for @intermarchewg📸 @photonewsbelgium https://t.co/3l3DmL4Al7
— Alexander Kristoff (@Kristoff87) April 6, 2022
If that all wasn’t odd enough, Tim Merlier – who had just finished ninth after Alpecin-Fenix failed to capitalise on having two of the world’s best sprinters in the winning move – decided to get out of the rain as quickly as possible by riding back down the course towards his team’s bus.
Now we often we see riders heading back across the finish on mountain stages of grand tours, as the stragglers come past them in the opposite direction. We don’t, however, often see it during a flat classic, as a dozen of the peloton’s fastest finishers bolt for the line, spread out across the road.
Tim Merlier practicing for the cross season
pic.twitter.com/VQ3iZOHf6b— Cyclocross Social (@Cyclocrosss) April 6, 2022
Merlier, who later said he wasn’t aware that anyone was still left in the race (to be fair to him, only 30 riders finished, so he wasn’t far wrong), had to quickly take evasive action as Jakobsen, De Lie and the rest barrelled towards him in the sprint for fourteenth.
Fortunately, he was able to throw his bike and then himself over the barriers just in time to prevent a potentially disastrous crash – spawning a few internet memes in the process:
[Record scratch]
Tim Merlier: “Yup, that’s me. You’re probably wondering how I ended up in this situation.” pic.twitter.com/pWXJPHBovW
— Spencer ↙️↙️↙️ (@spencerhaugh) April 6, 2022
Tim Merlier’s mood as he cycled back to his team bus at #Scheldeprijspic.twitter.com/2ueWHB1Bhr
— Arrière du peloton - Tom (@reardupeloton) April 7, 2022
Yeah I never had any problems going back down the road and having riders still coming in.
— Daniel Lloyd (@daniellloyd1) April 6, 2022
To give Tim his due, those barriers are fairly sizeable these days, no doubt forcing him to use all his cyclocross skills to get over them.
The Belgian sprinter was fined 200 Swiss Francs by the UCI and later apologised for the spot of post-race drama, saying “it was by no means my intention to endanger anyone”.
I’d like to comment on what happened today after the race in Schoten. When I crossed the finish line to ride back to the team parking, I sincerely thought that all the riders had arrived, as I wasn’t stopped and there was only one group behind us in the race.
— Tim Merlier (@MerlierTim) April 6, 2022
It was by no means my intention to endanger anyone, and I would like to apologize if I did
— Tim Merlier (@MerlierTim) April 6, 2022
The weird and wonderful world of cycling, eh?